While most of my friends were ready to sign me up for a psych evaluation, I was getting some encouraging advice from one of them. She told me all about how her and her now husband had met online. They too did the long distance thing, although their distance was much farther. They were both committed to making it work, and it ended up happily ever after in the end. I was convinced that this same thing was going to happen to me. Hans was telling me how he was definitely willing to make this work, and I told him that I was all in as well. He even told me that he was going to want me to move out there. So, my brain started figuring out ways to make it all work. I had kids after all, and they still needed to see their dad. I figured out that because it was only 4.5 hours that I could totally just drive the kids up to their dad every other weekend. I would just stay the weekend with my parents or a friend, that way I’d still get to see my them, and then drive back home at the end of the weekend with kids in tow. They could come spend the summer with their dad too, to try to make up for the distance.
It was almost mediation day and I was starting to freak out. I couldn’t believe that in about 24 hours I’d be seeing Hans in real life. I probably looked like a damn Disney princess, skipping around the house. My brain had completely run away and joined the circus. I was listening to love songs again for the first time in months. I was googling quotes about new love. (What can I say? I have a passion for words.) I had even found this super cute gift on Etsy that I just had to order. It was a set of handmade, metal keychains that you could get made into whatever two states you wanted. I seriously thought it was the cutest thing I had ever seen in my life. I wanted to wait to order them until I finally met Hans in person, and confirmed that he was as amazing as I thought. However, with Etsy it takes some time to be made and shipped, and I wanted to give Hans his piece the next time I saw him. So, I took the chance and ordered them anyway. They are unique, and I want to give a shout out to the shop The Lonely Moose, for doing a great job on them. (No, I’m not getting paid to say that either. There are actually some really cute things in their shop!)
It was mediation day! I had to get through this session as quickly as I could, so I could get on the road at a decent time. The session was scheduled for 5 hours, but thankfully we are civil and made it out in 3.5 hours. Goodbye old life, hello new chapter! The trip was supposed to take me about 5 hours with traffic, but I was so high on adrenaline at that point that I honestly gave zero fucks. It was the middle of the afternoon on a Friday though, and traffic was a bitch. I’ve actually never sat in worse traffic in my entire life. I kept thinking to myself, this sexy dad better be worth all of this. He better be the best kisser I’ve ever met. It took me 7.5 long hours to get there. SEVEN AND A HALF HOURS! I could have practically driven to Disney World in that amount of time. I will admit that there were a few instances where my brain may have actually made a brief return to my body, and I wondered what in the actual fuck I was thinking. He told me he was going to make dinner for me though, and asked if he should wait for me to get there, or go ahead and make it. I told him to go ahead and make it, and I was in LaLa Land all over again.
When I pulled up to his house it all started to sink in. I was about to finally meet Hans. I was about to see his face in person. He was about to be standing right in front of me. I was shaky from spending SEVEN AND A HALF HOURS in the car. My heart was pounding out of my chest. These could also very well be the last few minutes of my life, so he better kiss me good before he kills me. (I’m totally kidding guys.) He walked up to my car, and I opened the door. He was just as handsome as his pictures. He was tall, and gorgeous, and he kissed me. I was pretty much a noodle at this point. I’m surprised I didn’t actually fall on to the ground. I imagined that exact moment in my head at least a thousand times on my drive there. I tried to picture what I’d say, or how it would go. Would he actually like me once he saw me? I don’t remember any of the words I said to him in that moment. I just remember that when he finally kissed me, it was as if I had known him for years.
We walked inside and he immediately heated up dinner for me. I was so nervous, but I was starving since I hadn’t really eaten all day. We did a whole lot of just staring at each other in those first few moments. Not like creepy staring, more like “Where have you been all my life?” kind of staring. It was pretty surreal, and to be honest, it kind of felt like a movie. Who really gets to live one of those whirlwind romances that we watch in the movies? It was going to be me, duh. There was a whole lot of cutesy, lovey-dovey talking, and kissing over the next few hours. The kind that would make an innocent bystander throw-up, but I was in heaven. I was so thankful he was everything I had pictured him to be. It was a relief that he was just as silly as me. That part of him didn’t really come through during our conversations, and I even looked at him and said, “Thank god you’re weird, because I’m weird too.”
The next morning he had to go to work for a few hours. He told me to just sleep in and relax, and that he’d be back as soon as he could. I spent the morning laying in his bed thinking about how this could possibly be real life. I watched a movie, sent text messages to the people that love me letting them know that I’m alive, and then got up and got ready for the day. I couldn’t wait until he got home from work so I could see him again. I wondered if I could just stay there forever, change my name, and create a whole new life. Eventually, I’d have to send for my kids though; they would miss me at some point.
He came home from work, cooked lunch, and we spent the day watching football and being silly. We went out and got some dinner to bring back, so we wouldn’t miss any football, and even took a nap on the couch together. It was a really fun weekend, and it was nice to get to spend some actual time together. He was like the male version of me. I kind of couldn’t believe that I had found someone like him. I realized that weekend how much I missed having someone around, someone to watch TV with, to pick on, to hold my hand, to just be next to me. Hans had changed my mind about not taking this dating thing seriously. I found myself considering having a relationship now.
The next morning I had to leave. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye just yet, but I had to work that evening and I had a long drive ahead of me. We said goodbye, and promised that we’d see each other in two weeks. Thankfully, there wasn’t any traffic on the way home and I made it in only 4.5 hours. I went to work that night on Cloud Nine. Hans was everything I had hoped he would be and more.
A few days went by and we were still talking pretty regularly. I was counting down the days until Thanksgiving and I’d see him again. It all came to a screeching halt pretty quickly though, when he turned into the typical guy. All of a sudden, he was scared. He was the one who went totally serious about this right from the very beginning; I had just followed his lead. He said he’d call me but he didn’t. He stopped texting me like he used to. We spent the next few days doing the awkward back and forth thing. I was still supposed to see him in about a week, but it just wasn’t the same. I was left wondering what in the hell I did wrong. He pushed me away, and to be perfectly honest, I was crushed. I was also fucking pissed. This was my first time being upset in the world of dating, and I didn’t take it well. I didn’t understand how something that seemed so meant to be was suddenly just not anymore. I took it personally. I had a couple really hard days where I started to dismantle the self-confidence I had gained.
Like the big hearted person that I am, I told him if he changed his mind that I’d still be around. I wasn’t exactly sure what had caused his sudden change of heart, but I’ve always tried to be supportive of others, and wanted to do the same for him. According to him, it was because of his past hurt that was holding him back. Once a few days had passed, and I wasn’t super angry about it all anymore, I could see this all for what it really was. I could see how I completely lost all common sense and let my brain run away with the idea of a whirlwind romance. I even realized that I was kind of walking on eggshells with him, because I thought he was just too perfect, and I was scared to just be myself. I laugh so hard about it now, about how foolish it all really was. I acted totally ridiculous, and when I first started this blog, this was the story I was looking forward to telling the most. It’s just too hilarious not to share! At the same time though, I think that there’s probably a lot of you that are going to be able to relate to this. At one point or another, we all kind of lose our minds over a guy. (There’s got to be a book titled “How To Be A Douchey Guy” that they all read. Seriously.)
I brushed myself off and turned my Tinder account back on. Back into the dating pool I go! Little did I know that I was about to meet #5 & 6 in just a few days. One of them was going to make me laugh, while the other one was going to show me it’s okay to be myself. I won’t tell you which, but we are definitely catching up!