My absolute favorite show is How I Met Your Mother. There’s so many good lessons throughout the series, so many good quotes, and so much symbolism. I have always loved this show, but I love it even more lately. This show teaches us to love the journey, that every little thing that happens to us, no matter how insignificant it may seem or how difficult things get, it’s actually helping us grow and become who we are meant to be. That even life’s little moments need to be cherished. That sometimes the only way to get through a difficult day is to laugh. One of my favorite quotes is from the Episode “The Leap” when Ted tells his kids, “That was the year I got left at the altar. It was the year I got knocked out by a crazy bartender. The year I got fired. The year I got beat up by a goat, a girl goat at that, and dammit if it wasn’t the best year of my life. Because if any of those things hadn’t happened, I would never have ended up in what turned out to be the best job I ever had. But more importantly, I wouldn’t have met your mother. Because, as you know, she was in that class. Of course that story is only just beginning.”
1 year. 12 months. 52 weeks. 365 days.
365 new days. 365 new chances. 365 new opportunities to choose healing, to choose growth, to choose positivity, and to trust the journey. Trust the journey. That has been my motto, my driving force since day one of my new life. So many of us just want to rush through to the happy ending, rush to the good part. Rush through the rain to get to the rainbow at the end, but never want to put in the work to get there. However, trusting the journey means enjoying even the tough times, the ridiculously difficult moments when you’re not sure you can make it till tomorrow. Those moments are just as important. Those are the moments of growth. The setbacks, no matter how hard, still bring you closer to your peace. I can’t tell you how many times I whispered those exact words to myself through my tears. “Trust the journey Courtney. Trust the journey.” Those little self pep-talks were so vital. Even now, although my frustrating days are so much fewer and farther between, those self pep-talks are what gets me through. They help remind me what is important, and that there are lessons to be learned even through the frustration. They help me change my perspective on whatever it is that’s stressing me out, and get me back on track.
The year mark was the part I was looking forward to the most when I thought about the future. Even in my worst moments, for some reason I had so much hope that at my year mark I would be such a different person. I chose to share my journey publicly through my social media hoping it would not only help me, but also help others. I had no idea that it would blossom into what it has. I had no idea the amount of support people would offer me, but also the people that started to seek me out as a listening, supportive ear. So many of us are ashamed of our struggles, our failures, that we hide them and suffer in silence. I chose to do the opposite. To show everyone that it was okay to say you’re not okay. It’s okay to say you are having a hard time. Those posts pop up in my timeline memories for me now and remind me of just how far I have come. I wish I could go back in time and give that me a big hug and tell her about all of the incredible things the next year was going to bring, but there is no way I would have ever believed me even if I could.
So, if I were to sit down and tell my kids about this past year, this is how it would go: That was the year my marriage failed. It was the year I left everything behind and started over at 30 years old. The year I worked two jobs, with early mornings and late nights, just to realize it still wasn’t enough to move out of my parents house. The year I learned just how truly shitty and toxic some people can be, but dammit if it wasn’t the best year of my life. Because that was also the year I finally chose myself. That was the year I excelled at my job and bought a new car all on my own. The year I proved to myself that I was worthy enough, and strong enough, and brave, and bold, and fearless. The year I learned that dating was such a fun adventure (sometimes as fun as walking into oncoming traffic) that it lead me to writing again so all of you could keep up with my stories. However, if any of those things hadn’t happened I wouldn’t be who I am today, because all of those things were preparing me to be the best version of myself and finally find my person.
Yep, at the end of that crazy, difficult, wonderful year, when I had finally gotten to the place of true self-love, happiness, and acceptance, there he was.
To be continued…